Being strict - admirable or obsessive?

This article came to mind when I watched Branch Warren’s chest workout the other day. Branch is one of the bodybuilders I personally enjoy watching and he’s also one of those people who has a very specific style. Without delving too deep into his training, I’ll just say that he’s a bodybuilder who is rather monotonous in what he does. He listens to roughly the same music, doesn’t care if there’s an inch thick dirt on the gym floor, continuously trains heavy and sends the weights flying without thinking twice about it. He would be what many of us have come to refer as “hardcore”.

I may not send the weights flying...

I personally don’t send the weights flying, and I may not train heavy all the time, but I can still relate to a lot of what Branch does. I personally like when things are monotonous to a certain point. I love going to the same gym, listen to the same music and chitchat about the same old crap with the same old people. To add to that, I like eating similar things each day, drink the same old beverages and have the same old routines in the morning. I am very much a person of habit, and I think this aspect has been rather helpful in my journey from being heavily overweight to where I am today.

"...it is quite common that we glorify individuals who are firm in their mind and willing to devote all their time and effort to accomplishing their goals."

Being strict with what I do has often helped me in keeping things nice and tidy while everything around me gets hectic. Adding to that, it’s also a trait that people have admired and complemented me on. Which is no surprise, since it is quite common that we glorify individuals who are firm in their mind and willing to devote all their time and effort to accomplishing their goals. However, the monotonous patterns that are sometimes formed from being strict can also be viewed as obsessive. So, where do we draw the line between what is admirable or just downright obsessive?

I think the first question we need to ask ourselves is: Do we need to draw that line? And why? The short answer is no - but that does need a bit of elaboration on my part.

We start with a simple example

Let’s say we have two individuals: Michael and Jason. Michael is rather fit, has a slim and muscular physique, and is known to engage in a fair bit of physical activity. Jason, however, is extremely overweight and won’t leave his house for any heavier training than going to the mailbox. Neither of the two have any friends, family or co-workers that care much for training of any sort.

Let’s say both of these individuals decide to try out a new diet. This diet consists of strict rules, where they are to eat specific meals at specific time slots. They also decide to try out a new training program, which is equally strict, with specific training at specific time slots. Both of their motives for doing this are the same: They want to lose weight and feel better about themselves (though Jason wants to lose a lot more weight than Michael does). The sacrifice of the new diet and training program is that they have to stick to it no matter what. This means that they are to miss out on any social event, such as going to the movies or partying, if their training schedule should interfere. This also means that they have to eat the food they're supposed to, no matter if they're at home, at work or at a dinner party.

"The sacrifice of the new diet and training program is that they have to stick to it no matter what. This means that they are to miss out on any social event, such as going to the movies or partying, if their training schedule should interfere."

Would friends, co-workers and family of Michael and Jason view their attempts to follow through with this life-changing behavior in a similar manor? Wouldn’t it be easier to recognize the effort of Jason as slightly more admirable since he’s struggling with being heavily overweight? And at the same time, wouldn’t it be easier to view Michael’s attempt as slightly more obsessive, since he’s already got a fit looking body? Many of us might think this was the case, but it’s far more complicated than that.

Maybe it wasn't as simple as we first thought

So far my example has been rather simple. We have two individuals with the same circumstances and motive, and they are both about to engage in a behavior that could be considered obsessive. The only difference is that Michael is fit, while Jason is heavily overweight. To add to that I’ve suggested that this very difference could potentially let us perceive Jason’s behavior as slightly more admirable, while, at the same time, Michael's behavior would be perceived as slightly more obsessive.

Now, let’s fast-forward three months. Michael – who we previously ruled to be perceived as the most obsessive due to him being fit – has been exemplary. He’s never missed a single workout. Nor has he deviated from his diet. Jason, however, has cheated. He’s been out partying even though he should be working out. Likewise, he has given in to temptation at every single social gathering he’s been to - justifying it with “I don’t want to let my friends down”.

Who will we now perceive as the most admirable one? A lot of us would probably say Michael, since he’s been working hard and accomplishing what he’s set out to do. It does, however, get even more complicated.

Things are getting a bit more complicated

Let’s say we interview the two in order to find out how they personally viewed the process. We start with Jason, who has been less than exemplary. When we ask him why he didn’t stick with the diet, he answers: “Well, I knew that what I was getting into was extreme. I had no intention of doing this my entire life, but I wanted to give it a shot. My friends all thought I was silly for doing this, and I didn’t want to risk alienating myself from them in the process”.

When interviewing Michael, who was in fact very strict and followed through devotedly, we instead get the following answer: “I understood the concept and I firmly believe that if you want to accomplish something great, you have to follow the rules no matter how extreme they are. My friends all thought I was odd for doing this, especially since I’ve already got a pretty good physique. But I didn’t really care about what they said. If they’re real friends they shouldn’t take offence in me doing what I want”.

"We’ve just argued that Michael was the most admirable one – he’s been firm in his mind and followed through flawlessly. But when interviewing him, we notice something peculiar."

We’ve just argued that Michael was the most admirable one – he’s been firm in his mind and followed through flawlessly. But when interviewing him, we notice something peculiar. He tends to have no insight in his own behavior and the obsession the training program formed. Furthermore we notice that he doesn’t really care about how his surrounding views him, nor if they stick by him. We could argue that Michael is blind towards his own obsession. If we take Jason, however, his answer is dramatically different. He could see that the behavior suggested to him was extreme, but he decided to go ahead with it anyway. He may have been too afraid of what his friends thought, and that may have been what led him to not follow through. But he had something very vital, which Michael didn’t - insight about the fact that his behavior was rather extreme.

Who is the most admirable person then?

Now, again, let’s review what we’ve just learned. We have the same two individuals: Michael, who did succeed in losing weight but had no insight whatsoever that his behavior was obsessive. Then we have Jason, who knew that his behavior was obsessive and decided to quit because he valued his social life more than losing weight. Who will we now perceive as the most admirable one? Michael, who can follow through with a task but doesn’t seem to understand how obsessive his behavior was, and, is not afraid to forsake his friends in the process? Or Jason, who understands the gravity of the behavior, decided to do it anyway, but who didn’t follow through due to valuing his social acquaintances more? The situation is suddenly a lot more complex than we first thought.

So, what have we learned from all of this?

What can we take away from this example? The first point I’d like to make is that a situation is often a lot more complex than it first seems. Just because one person succeeds in accomplishing a task and another person fails in doing so, doesn’t mean the one that failed was less admirable.

"...two factors are often important when it comes to judging if someone is admirable or simply obsessive: Firmness and Insight."

My second point is that two factors are often important when it comes to judging if someone is admirable or simply obsessive: Firmness and Insight. If we are firm in what we believe in, we’re more likely to be admired. At least more so than if we’re sporadically deviating from what we’re set out to do. To add to that, we’re also less likely to be considered obsessive if we have some kind of insight, which lets us pinpoint some of the extreme actions we’re taking in order to reach our goals.

Back to the beginning

Finally, let’s go back to the first question: Do we need to draw a line between what’s admirable and what’s obsessive. I said no, and I say this because a behavior can in fact be viewed as both admirable and obsessive at the same time. It all depends on the various factors surrounding the person engaged in the behavior, and, upon who is judging that very person. On the other hand, we do need to draw the line for health reasons, such as identifying if someone is at risk of putting their mental or physical health at stake – but that’s another aspect of the issue.